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In the Amazonian
mythos, ayahuasca is considered a sacrament. Its tradition
and use go far back beyond Incan civilization. The cultural
and medicinal validity of the plant has been recently
recognized by the Peruvian government, which has legalized
its use, and the natives of the Amazon continue to use
ayahuasca as a source of wisdom and healing. Don Agustin
Rivas-Vazques, a master ayahuascero (a shaman whose
specialty is working with the sacred plant's medicine) has
built Orotongo ("jaguar" in Quechua), a jungle
camp deep within the Amazon. It is here that we
ceremoniously ingest the liquid from the ayahuasca,
"the vine of death."
I am
only vaguely aware of the other participants while waiting
for the "first wave" to hit. Poised on a threshold
of anticipation and awe, I reaffirm to myself the "no
escape" clause, knowing there is no turning back now,
wondering where, in the marvelous and unexplored terrain of
my psyche, I will be taken. Suddenly, wham-bam! I am drawn
to a private place within my inner world; just me and the
Divine. I quiver; light flashes of heat catapult deeply into
my pelvis. The medicine is embracing me. "I welcome
you, I love you, I open myself to you" I repeat along
with other personal invocations, as waves of intense heat
surge through my body. I feel my heart expand while gentle
waves of love and anticipation envelope me. I note the
polarity of these two emotions and the wisdom of my body in
its capacity to hold them. The paradox of the plant's putrid
taste and its positive effects never ceases to amaze me. I
concentrate on containing the bitter liquid while I listen
to don Agustin's icaros (shamanic songs to usher in the
spirit of ayahuasca) and feel my body receive it more
completely. "What am I doing here? What am I doing with
my life? Is this real? Am I making this up?" My mind
continues its litany while the medicine goes deeper into my
body and psyche. For the most part, I pay no attention to
this chatter; experience tells me it is simply my scared,
defenseless ego. Suddenly the Voice appears. It is a
frequent visitor during the ayahuasca journey, and is
commonly referred to as the Voice of God. I merge into a
silent dialogue with it, which takes me to places along the
insight highway I would not ordinarily have access to.
Throughout the rest of the journey, I ride the wave of a
penetrating awareness allowing me to see myself, my
fear-based ego, my personal history and the transpersonal
universe in a new way.
In
another ceremony later that week, I suddenly become aware of
a strong sensation on my right cheek. I am fearful and then
realize that a jaguar is licking my face! He takes his
roughly pulsating tongue along my neck and down my arm, then
up into my chest as he licks my heart. I am in awe and
marvel at the warm healing sensations in my body and around
my heart center. I realize a kinship with this animal and
connect to a furious protective maternal energy. I
immediately intuit that this sleek powerful beast has come
to inform me that I need to apply this same ferocity in my
protection of myself, my marriage and my family, as well as
my growing extended family at Starseed (our business). I
must take a more visible stance for the growing community,
one with similar offensive and defensive tactics, if I am
indeed to claim my passion and leadership skills with this
broad circle. I see that I have shied away from claiming
authority in certain situations and sometimes defer to
people whose energy is combative and headstrong. This
thought takes me further along the insight highway to reveal
the bullish energy within me that is a cover-up for a
fragile self-protective nature. Ah! So this is how I falsify
myself! The truth of this fragility leads to a heightened
awareness of endless loops of false beliefs that entrap my
psyche. Complicated? Perhaps, but within the
ayahuasca experience I am able to resource and know
unclaimed parts of myself.
Copyright
© Jyoti Chrystal and Jason Martin |
