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Everything is full of Gods.
-- Thales
Three thousand years ago, my Greek ancestors tried to identify
the forces playing themselves out in human nature and created the
eight gods and seven goddesses of Olympus, giving each of them a
name and a story. Each one exemplifies an authentic pattern of
feminine or masculine human nature. These gods and goddesses have
fascinated me since my early years. Fearless, magical, flawed yet
awesome, they have been with me throughout my life's journey. They
were with me when I first fell in love, as I discovered how to
express my gifts and develop qualities I didn't know I had, as I
learned to build boundaries and turn inward for my source of
happiness, and as I moved into pivotal events that would shape my
life today.
In writing my first book, Conversations with the Goddesses,
I embraced the seven goddess archetypes and learned to bring them
down off their pedestals into our everyday life. I used them to
fulfill my passion, which has been to inspire women to become all
that they can be and create their own lives. Yet as my work evolved,
the gods kept nagging me; they wanted to be sure I didn't forget
them. As I began to focus my attention on them, I saw how they play
in the psyches of the men I know, and men in society and history. I
saw how the goddesses and the gods go together. In their myths we
see them drawn together into perfectly imperfect unions -- which is
exactly how these relationships are designed to be. The myths show
us our own relationships played out on the big screen of Olympus.
In ancient times, there were no therapists, no relationship
workshops, no dating services, and no divorce lawyers. Instead there
were the myths, the stories of these gods and goddesses. Many
centuries later, the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung called these
deities "archetypes," which means "ancient types" in Greek. He
identified the gods and goddesses as part of the collective
unconscious, and pointed out how they make up the software of our
psyche. These archetypes live within each man and woman, and the
stories of their relationships and notorious adventures on Mount
Olympus, as well as here on earth, provide a basis for understanding
human personalities and behavior.
In their stories, we recognize familiar scenarios. Zeus is
unfaithful to Hera as he pursues liaisons with other goddesses and
nymphs. She becomes angry and vengeful and ultimately leaves him to
find herself. Aphrodite enters into an arranged marriage with
Hephaestus and then, driven by eros, has an affair with his brother,
Ares, as well as with other gods, demigods, and mortals. Athena
remains a virgin and bonds with men as their protector, while
Artemis has nothing to do with men and prefers the company of women.
Apollo is constantly experiencing unrequited love. Persephone is
raped and abducted by Hades, god of the underworld, and ends up
marrying him. Demeter sleeps with Zeus, has one daughter, then moves
on to become a devoted single mother. Unlike the fairy tales in
which everyone ends up living happily ever after, the Greek myths
teach us that, in reality, relationships bring friction.
Each of us is born with a predominant archetype that is our
driving force and directs our actions and choices. Yet each of us
also contains all of the archetypes, and at different times in our
lives we may favor one over another. We have all the gods and
goddesses in us, but in differing degrees of intensity -- some
stronger, some weaker, some in the foreground, some in the
background. A particular god dominates our lives at a particular
stage only to retreat when we move on to a different stage. For
example, a woman might have a strong desire to be married. That is
her Hera speaking. When she feels the calling to have children, that
is her Demeter tugging on her. And once her children are grown and
independent, she may feel the urge to find meaningful work. This is
her Athena stepping forward. She might suddenly awaken to her
Aphrodite and want to have an affair or refuel her marriage with a
new eros. Or she may feel a yearning to serve, to give back, to
follow an inner path of spirit; that is the Hestia principle
governing her.
The archetypes play themselves out through us. It is easy to get
caught in those patterns. We find ourselves making certain choices
without really knowing why. For instance, a Persephone woman may
find herself getting involved in relationships that are destructive.
Or an Athena woman may want a relationship, but feels too caught in
the work ethic and is disconnected from her body to open up to love.
Both of them are caught up in their myths.
Who is running the show?
As we become familiar with the archetypes, we begin to see the
unconscious patterns that act themselves out in us. Then we can
start to make wiser choices, based on what our real needs are. We
gradually discover that the archetypes are here to serve us; that we
can direct the archetypes and we can use them as needed. They become
our tools in creating the life we want. To use my mother's favorite
word, we become "autonomous," a word that comes from the Greek and
means a "law unto one's self." In other words, we become an
independent thinker.
To be in a healthy, heartfelt relationship requires a lot of
attention, care, commitment, and hard work of the heart. Most of us
have to unlearn a lot of our imbedded beliefs, and no one hands us a
manual. However, the archetypes provide extraordinary clues. Why are
some women more drawn to successful, powerful men, while others
prefer the creative type? Why does one woman look for a compatible
yet independent companion while another woman prefers a man who is
dependent on her? Our dominant archetype shapes the choices we make
about a partner. As you come to understand those archetypal
patterns, you learn how they tend to operate in a relationship, and
begin to consciously direct the way you interact.
You need not remain a prisoner of your archetype; you can always
draw on your nondominant archetypes as allies. For example, if you
are an Aphrodite quarreling with your Ares partner, there is no
better ally than Athena's wisdom to help you find your way to a
resolution, and Hestia's steady presence can guide you back to what
really matters in your relationship. We never have to be victims
wondering why we don't have enough love or the right kind of love in
our lives. If you were to say to yourself: the personal relationship
-- or lack of one -- I have right now is exactly what I want, it
might reveal to you a powerful piece of your inner puzzle. When we
truly believe that we deserve to be loved, cherished, and supported
as who we really are, we can attract the person who can do that for
us.
In the next chapter you will find two quizzes that will help you
identify your dominant and secondary archetypes, as well as the
primary and secondary archetypes of the man in your life -- or the
man you might be looking for. The quizzes also provide an overview
of all the feminine and masculine types.
In the remainder of this book you will find a description of each
woman with her particular goddess archetype, showing how that
goddess's personality and story influence the psyche of the woman,
and highlighting her strengths and vulnerabilities. I then describe
the woman's compatible male partner in terms of his god archetype
and myth, followed by how these two archetypes play themselves out
in relationship, the patterns that might surface, and suggestions as
to how the couple can best work with these patterns. For each
goddess, I also include a story of an actual modern couple that fits
those archetypes. (The names and locations of the real people are
changed to protect their privacy, except in the case of Gay and
Katie Hendricks near the end of the book.)
I have paired each goddess with a god -- or in Aphrodite's case,
with two gods! -- based on what their myths tell us. Such archetypal
relationships have the quality of a template; they have been
repeated and played out, with minor variations, throughout history
in both fiction and life. In some cases, such as pairing Hestia with
Hermes, I've based the match on relationships I have seen and on the
qualities that each archetype can bring to the relationship. Of
course other combinations are possible because we have other
archetypes working in us. You might be an Artemis woman dating a
Zeus man. You might discover, for instance, that you are actually
drawn to his Apollo aspect, which is secondary, and you find his
Zeus aspect overpowering, reminding you of your father. The more you
understand all the archetypes, the better you can see how your
relationship reflects them.
If there is one characteristic that defines all the gods, it is
self-confidence. They acted boldly, courageously, fully embodying
who they were, flaws and all. They were free of judgment and guilt
about what they did. This is a great role model for us. They show us
how to be generous with ourselves, act fearlessly, unleash our
creativity, and claim who we are. Most of all, they show us how to
be alive.
As Joseph Campbell said, "People say that what we're all seeking
is a meaningful life. I don't think that's what we're really
seeking. I think that what we are seeking is an experience of being
alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane
will have resonances within our own innermost being and reality, so
that we actually feel the rapture of being alive." We are so engaged
in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget
that the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being
alive, is what it's all about. As he said, "Myth helps you to put
your mind in touch with this experience of being alive."
As you befriend the gods and goddesses, converse with them. Let
them speak to you, let them bring you information about yourself and
your relationships, and use them to create the life you want.
Copyright © 2004 by Agapi Stassinopoulos
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